Showing posts with label Prose. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prose. Show all posts

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Bless-ed

Frost gathered in each corner of the window's 6 square frames. She was in the basement, baby in a carrier on her back, gathering water in a bucket from the main. He had taken out all the piping. It was black, corroded, and unfit for drinking water. They didn't have the money to replace it quite yet. He was working 10 hours a day, 6 days a week in the factory 30 minutes away for 200 dollars a week. They were saving what they could. Until then, it was just going to be this way. She quietly hummed as she carried the bucket upstairs and heated it on the stove. Once it was warm enough she took the water, and dumped it in the bath tub. 5 more trips and she'd have enough for baths. The baby was fairly content just to be against it's mother. Her toddler played quietly in his room.

The babies bathed in the clean water. Warm water. He and She took turns being last. When baths were done it took another bucket to boil water for their dinner. Oatmeal. The babies got milk. Yet, there was laughter. Lots of laughter. After dinner, she'd sing those babies to sleep "The water is wide. I cannot get or' And neither have I wings to fly. Build me a boat that can carry four, and all shall row my loves and I"

Eventually, she'd finally get the call she had hoped for and start working. Then, it would only be a matter of weeks and they'd have water again. For a time after that, running water was a marvel to them, a quirk most of their family wouldn't understand.

Winter 2003-2004


Ya know, Casey and I have been through hell and back. In 10 years, we've had two kids, finished college, moved 8 times in 4 states, and that's the good stuff. When our kids were 3 and 10 months they were living on raman noodles, plain oatmeal and milk. We've had to do that two more times since then, and even lived in a motel. There have been multiple times when, if chance hadn't provided hand-me-downs the boys little toes would've been curled up and blistered in the ends of their shoes, and they would've been wearing sweatshirts and sweaters as coats for winter. We've had times of prosperity too. Yet, I wouldn't trade "those" times for anything. Seriously, I told Casey just before we were married that I wanted my kids to grow up poor so they'd learn to appreciate the little things. I am glad they have gotten that opportunity. Everything seemed to workout in the end. Recently, when I asked the boys what one of our family traditions were they responded, "love. We always have lots of love in this house." However, Casey, the over achiever that he is, couldn't take another year of these ups and downs. He joined the Army.



At first I was TERRIFIED. Then I realized, "damn, this is a perfect fit for him". Mr. overachiever just got used up and spit up in the corporate world. Now his talents will be utilized, and his work ethic rewarded. Our hardships were, to him, a neon necklace with an arrow pointing at his head that said, "douche bag". It's not going to be easy, but that's sort of been a theme in this family. I think we'll be just fine.

People have asked me, "how are the boys going to handle it?" Sure they'll miss him, cry for him, and probably act out a bit. However, we've been apart from him before, and they've weathered far more arduous circumstances (by a child's yard stick) with tenacious optimism:



She stands outside the school. Crisp air cuts up her coat sleeve. No one talks to her, but they all stare. She shuffles her weight so one knee can bend itself in a gesture of cosmetic confidence. Secretly, she wishes she had mirror to check and see if a little snot snuck down onto her numb upper lip. She runs her mitten under her nose just to be safe. FINALLY! She sees a pair of smiling blue glasses with little blue hat, an unruly strand of blonde hair sneaks out the bottom. "I dot dis foh you, Mommy", a crumpled paper by way of a hug. Now, to collect the brown hatted observer for the walk home. She does so and gladly walks away from the crowd.

"So are you guys excited to get a house?"
"Wioh we get to have Cwistmas pwesents?"
"You get a house, and if we can move in before Christmas you will get to have a tree too."
"So, mom, is Santa going to visit or not?"
"I'm sure he'll bring you something"
"I's wanted one of dose big noeff guns"
"I think Santa was planning on bringing small things for your new room"
"We get to have our own rooms?! Well Okay!!"
"So we won't have to be all in one room anymore?! Can I have a dragon room?"

So the three of them chattered themselves back to the motel room they shared with Him. The paneling smelled of someone's cigarette smoke, a reminder that this was not theirs (thankfully). She made them a dinner of microwaved raman noodles and hot dogs, then homework, bath and bed, all four of them together.

Friday December 23rd at 1pm the 4 of them unlocked their new home. A container in which to treasure their laughter. Each of their exclamations was trailed by a little puff of smoke. She hurriedly, harassed the gas company and Stanley Steamer so that her babies would be warm and safe before bed. Otherwise, it would be a long cold weekend with painful reminders of the previous owners cats Once all was quite she set up a small 2 ft tree, wrapped the paint brushes, a few small toys. She paused to absorb the enormity of this small tree that dared to occupy such a large empty room all by itself. Fitting. Then She crawled up next to her family on the floor. This might end up being her favorite Christmas yet.

That Christmas she felt like an alchemist.

Friday, January 16, 2009

emergence


It’s been a long while living like infant pines huddled in the snow. Words that won’t come to me, always my mind left to slumber alone. And I am in that twighlight place, that purgatory. I am not living and I am not dead. The revelry and misery of life ricochet off me and I am immune to feeling. I reflect fondly on the girl who pledged to live deliberately enough to make Thoreau blush. But, now she has become me.

I’m not sure who is right, me or her? I know the path that brought me here would be treacherous to most. I thrive on treacherous journeys. They, gratefully so, remind me I'm alive. Each adventure has its consequences. This last one was bumpy enough to leave me numb for a while, and concussed. I can’t honestly say when this adventure started? 1998? 2000? 2004? 2006? 2007? Each of those a dark ring in my flesh marking some significant event.

For the last three months I haven’t had an address. Living, albeit unofficially. My entire life in storage, waiting to be unpacked, rediscovered. It may take an anthropologist to put it all back together and let me know who the hell I am again. And ya know I may reject the findings, and scream “put it all back in boxes.”

The idea of the big house with the white picket fence has always left me claustrophobic, like the idea of being buried alive. Funny I have two kids and a dog. In typical idealistic fashion I thought 10 weeks of 4 people living in one hotel room would be nothing more than an adventure. The potpourri of shit, dust, and dirty sheets changed my mind after about 6 weeks. I was surprised when the laughter of my children became torturous. Some days I hoped that my husband would stay late, just so I wouldn’t have to cooperate with yet another human. One less person’s breath to breathe. Many days I hoped I’d awake to find I had evaporated somewhere between the fake seams of the paneling.

Now we have our house, and I still feel like I’m putting out a stranger’s belongings. Relics of someone else’s life. An Amnesia patient. There is one thing that is familiar. I still love things raw. Don’t insult me by feeding me some pre-packaged bullshit. Just hand me everything still palpitating, and let me figure it out myself.

Only when I am running on the hilly dirt roads by my house can I both escape and find myself. I am at home running through the trees, feet in direct contact with the earth (excepting my soles) like all other primal beasts. This is the only thing of late that is familiar to me. Give me the unexplored, the unpaved, the raw… Keep the pavement, the neatly cut trails, those safe paths for yourself. I am not comfortable there.

I’m not sure what has left me numb. I’m not sure I care just as long as I still have my moments of liberation. Maybe it’s more that I don’t quite belong in this life of mine. I am an awkward leading woman in the play I’ve written for myself. Whether I like it or not, my role requires a bit of the white picket fence life. Honestly, as much as I resist it, some part of me seeks it. While I’d be happy in a trailer in the woods, the mother in me, the little girl that went without, wants to provide for my sons. The yard stick; do they have what their friends have? Me, endlessly repulsed by the confinement, of a typical life is fished into the lukewarm water by this question. Aren’t we all?

We are all on a quest to define ourselves with our belongings. To reflect our inner selves outward with the car we drive, the clothes we wear, the house we live in. We wear them like trophies, or shameful reminders of our failures. It’s all just stuff. This journey to acquire things that define us, or show status keeps us from really knowing ourselves. It over powers us, makes us unrightly proud, or unjustly steals us of our dignity. Yet, it can all be stolen away in a second. Make believe happy. Manufactured bliss. The only things we own, are our memories, our productions, our thoughts. Only the intangibles belong to us, the rest is BULLSHIT that distracts us from what makes us happy. I am definitely not immune… and I think I know now what was making numb. I was almost reformed.

This crazy adventure has come to a close at the foot of our 10 year anniversary. I can't help but remember the day that I "KNEW" what I wanted for my life. Casey and I stopped at the bait shop, he picked up a 40oz bud for himself and a 22oz bud lite for me, some worms. We went to Hawthorne park (a swampy lake). I sat barefoot on the bridge next to him. We sat, talked and threw worms into the water. I thought to myself, I can handle this. This can be my life. It's the pursuit of "stuff" that complicates our lives. I didn't NEED much then and I don't NEED much now. There is a fine difference between the pursuit of happiness and the pursuit of possessions. They are not to be confused without dire consequences. Do not become possessed by the misconception that to have not is to be not. I think those dirt roads have led me back to myself finally!

Last night I asked Casey if he remembered that day. "How could I forget?"

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

"The talk"

(In the car on the way to track)
ME: Boys do you want to have babies when you grow up?
WILLEM: yes because kids wike to pet dogs, and I wike dogs.
COOPER: Not really. I used to but, not anymore.
ME: Why not?
COOPER: Well, right now it's pretty much disgusting to me.
ME: Why?
COOPER: Well, it's the sex. That idea grosses me out.
ME: *giggling*
COOPER: It gives me the eebby jeebies really. I used to want kids until I found how they happen.
ME: *still giggling* Someday you won't feel that way about it, but honestly that's how I felt about when I was your age. And yet I have not one but TWO kids.
COOPER: *smiles smoothly* Yeah, maybe.
(Willem remained oblivious throughout the entire conversation! I think he went to his happy place)

Monday, July 21, 2008

agrarian arts

While my belly grew out of control, stretching so tight it felt it would rip with Willem inside it, I was forced on bed rest. Powerless. I thought Willem would own my body forever. In the delivery room I felt my SI joint spread apart to make room as all 9 lbs of him decended through my small frame. The pain was intense. I wore my regular clothes home and was decieved in thinking this meant my body was the same. It wasn't. It was in pieces, and composed unrecognizably. It was as if I weren't in me anymore, but inside someone else peering out of darkness into two strange peep holes. This new body wouldn't cooperate. It kept breaking down and needing fixed. Injections, threats of surgery, and several layoffs due to hips that didn't want to run. Whose useless body was this they stuck me with? I got fed up with the weakness of this strange container. Finally, I decided this new body needed a mother. It needed someone to care for it, raise it, teach it right and wrong, and ultimately to discipline it with care. So I took time to teach it how I wanted it to behave, to become what I needed it to be. That in itself took me 3 years. Three years of making running a stranger, to get to know this body. My frame allowed me visitation with running, but not full custody. Not until 15 months ago.

15 months ago. That's when I dedicated myself to peeling back the paper on my potential as a runner. 15 months ago I was flaccid and out of shape, the marks of childbirth still lay claim my physique (despite the fact that Willem was 3 at that time). It's only been in the last 3 months that have noticed the land scape of my body change. Lines began to cut their way up my thighs. Rows plowed across my belly as what fat was there melted away. Now the remaining relics of my pregnancy are the stretchmarks that climb up my lower abdomen like ivy on some stately brick wall. Those I want to keep as a trophy of motherhood. Where once I was round I am now shadowed with crevasses. Don't get me wrong. I am no Deena, or Shalane. By comparison I am girlish and undeveloped. My lines are still soft and gentle. However, they exsist and are proof of a planting and a rebirth.

Monday, January 7, 2008

Snapshot of an Uprising

I wanted to be a revolutionary. It started when I stumbled upon the art books in the basement of the library. Body’s strewn about like carnival waste. Colorful misery. It delighted me. Each trip to the library I snuck into the adult section and devoured pages of corpses. My dad was busy reading books on Eastern Religions. My mom was in the Children’s section with my sister and brother. This was my time, my sweet nectar. I got away with it for about a month. Eventually, my dad stumbled upon my skeletal silhouette curled in a vinyl chair beneath a massive volume of Renaissance Art. I felt like I had been caught with my sister’s hair in my hands. I was so ashamed. That’s when I fell in love with Ghandi.



Instead of signing me up for therapy (after all I was only 10) my dad took me to the video section and showed me three movies, Ghandi, Gorrilla’s in the Mist, and Romero. He knew why I was captivated by the bloody pages. He knew they depicted the First Crusades. He knew my affinity for justice. After all, my over developed superego was his fault. He had taken me along to deliver communion to Hospice patients and shut-ins. I remember; a sliver of speckled sunlight crafted long shadows from the wrinkles of mouths that wanted to smile. Mouths that hadn't spoken in weeks. Forgotten by all but my dad, me and the priest that lived among them. Death isn't contagious. People seem to think it is, but it isn't. I was going give a voice to the voiceless! After practically wearing out the video cassettes of each film I made up my mind. I was going to be a revolutionary when I grew up! Then I hit puberty. Distractions derailed my aspirations.

Boys were of little interest to me because I was of little interest to them. My figure resembled Olive Oyl’s. Few other kids were willing to spar with me on issues concerning life, it’s meaning, and our place in the world. It was easier for them to avoid contact with me altogether. My fulfillment came when my dad asked me a question from the Tao and forced me to defend my answer. Now that was fun. However, I found this wasn't an effective defense mechanism. "Mean Girls" didn't respond the way I wanted them too when I asked, "Can God make a rock heavier than he can lift? If so can he lift it?" Yep. That one didn't work out too well. I obviously had to have a coping mechanism. Actually, I needed two. Yep, it was that bad. My coping mechanism was writing. My distraction was my obsession with running. When I ran I was at peace. I was so busy running to my happy place that I forgot about the whole revolutionary thing. Survival mode. It was hard enough to fight acne, let alone a cause of any kind. Thankfully I was off to college before I knew it.

My anguish paid it's debt. I was actually good at my two comforts. It was ironic I had any athletic ability at all. Of all athletic pursuits running was the one that made the most sense. After all, Buddist monks use running as a way to transcend the physical world. Something I had to master to make it through 12 torturous years of public education. I went to college on both a Creative Performing Arts scholarship and an Athletic scholarship. The Dean of the Creative Writing program said, “I wouldn’t have figured you for an athlete. Most jocks don’t think much.” I was justifiablly offended, but from my experiences I couldn't disagree. Although college was a better fit for me, I clung to a pendulum swinging between the world of the pen and the world of Track. I'd find that Alcohol helped ease those awkward situations quite a bit. For the first time ever, I didn’t know me. Instead of merging myselves, I divided them. Wearing each like a costume.

October 1998 I rode up late to the Conference Cross Country meet because I had been selected by Students of Fine Art to read at the fall Art Opening. Yet no one at the opening knew why I had to duck out early, and my Teammates had no idea why I was late. A rushed trip back to the dorm to change ensured that! I have to admitt it felt a little wonder womanish. I had an alter ego. The poem I read is below. My teammates wouldn't have understood what I was talking about. If they knew I had written this, I'd never lived it down. They imagined poetry readings as being people in black turtlenecks snaping and banging on bongos. And Ohmigod it says, "tits" and "cocks"! *GASP*
1
On sophocated
nights when plump
mosquitos flirted with the
florescent bulbs of porch lights, burning like
the chests of forgotten wives sizzling
in darkness beyond those front
doors we
walked.
Our uneven steps filling
the silence with frenzied
percussion. Our sore
tits pushing against our
shirts. Forced
womanhood
swelling under our tender
skin. we talked under the
humming of crickets about
how our lives would
unravel perfectly like
bubbletape & our
giggles jingled in
the trees.

2
The last time I saw you we
sat on your
parents splintered
porch swing & served
breathless confessions of
bruises and hard cocks to
the chorus of night things singing indigo
tunes in your
blooming yard. Your hand licked my
breast.
I ran.
protected by the beat of
my swift steps, to my door where
the porch light burned for
me. Trespasser.

3
But, now confessions swell
in my eyes. There is
no porch swing
no chorus begging
to hear more.
I sit motionless watching
stars bloom. Letting
the burning in my chest consume
me.


With my Teammates and I never talked about my ideas, my thoughts, or my insights. I saved those for my journals, for creative writing class, literary analysis. With my Writing friends, I never shared that I was an athlete. Yet when I was alone, running, myselves melded and language crashed through me.

By now I had completely lost all memory of my love affair with Ghandi, Jane Goodall, and Monsignor Romero. They are dusty inside me next to the Pythagorean Theorem. I had school records to break, books to read, a major to declare. English Education. There’s a radical profession. A High School English teacher. Something inside of me had to scream, “I want to be a Revolutionary” When I made that commitment. I did it. It made sense. There’s a decent retirement, and vacation package. I like English, I like kids. If I ever had kids I’d have their schedule. So safe, so not me. I should’ve asked myself, “What would Ghandi do?” But, I had plans.

Then He happened. Casey. Boys had begun to like me. Most of them liked the idea of me more than they like me. They just didn’t know it. I avoided them mostly. I wasn’t in the entertainment business, they found me to be quite entertaining in a funny girl sorta way. It wasn’t fun having fun for both people on the date. I was defensive to say the least. I had had one boy friend in my 19 years and that was plenty for me. He was like the others, in love with the idea of me. He left me feeling like a peacock in a room of turkeys. A spectacular ideal of a person, and not a person. I had resigned to the fact that I’d rather be alone than misunderstood. Casey though, was like me.

An artist and an athlete. Deep, complicated, and sensitive. I was complete in love with him. He made me a better person, accepted all of myselves and helped me meld them together. He still leaves me wordless, a feat in itself. I cannot put into words how he made (or makes) me feel. It is good. The only guy I’d ever want to grow old with.

I was on track to break records, earn respect, Professors were asking me to try to get published. I had plans. Marriage was now one of them. Then my clothes shrank, I got slower despite increased efforts, I was always tired.

Cavernous spots populated the ceiling of the team doctors office like tiny little villages. I was sure I was anemic. It fit every symptom. I was occupying my mind wondering what the little people in the tiny villages were doing. Was there a milk man, a mail man? Would they look like weeble people? The doctor came in with a face so pale, and strained I thought for sure I had cancer. “You’re not anemic” Wheew! “You’re pregnant.” His shoulder’s slumped as he said it, as if he was ashamed for me. Good thing too because I was numb. I didn’t know it then but I was grieving. Slowly I would turn to ash, as this fetus stole away my life. I wanted to start over. He was lying. “How’s the father going to take this” The father? What am I a whore now, me who has had two boyfriends in my life? “uh, uh... He’ll be thrilled” I had to force each word out. Casey wanted nothing more of life than to be a father. Why can’t he be the pregnant one then?

I spent the drive back to my dorm squinting through my tears. I didn’t want to tell Casey because I didn’t want to see him celebrate. This fucker just ruined all of my plans. When I told him he picked me up and spun me around with glee. For a moment I was happy too. Mom said, “Well, Shit what about your running?” Dad said, “You’ll be a great mom.” Coach said, “Can you run this weekend? You can keep your scholarship. If you want to continue competing after the baby let me know. After this season just take it easy and decide what you want to do.” I hated this baby. The next week I’d find out I was 11 weeks already. At 12 weeks I would run my last meet of the year, and get second (to Ann Alyanak). Casey got to keep competing. He got to finish his Senior season unblemished. I remembered. I wanted to be a revolutionary. It’s just that I thought I’d be revolting against something other than my own body.

Everyday I ran, logging as many miles as my tired, burning legs could handle. It was my way of keeping a patch of me green. A sacrament the fetus couldn’t steal away from me. Casey’s little life burning in my belly turning everything to ash, but that one green patch.

5/00
You may rule this
Body with a fetal fist
Ordering changes
Without
Authorization
But this one
minute is mine.
Like that small
Space, hidden
from slum
lords, tenants decorate
to their taste sneaking
sideways glances.
This is my space
Decorated with
Desperate muscles
Fighting atrophy
With blanks and
Dull blades
But still fighting
Fighting you gives this mind
A surreal sense
Of independence
From the body you
Seized without
Warning.

I moved out of my dorm and into a house Casey’s parents bought for us to live in until we were done with school. When he was born he was beautiful. He was perfect, and I still hated him. Casey raised Cooper for 6 months before I realized I wasn’t there. 6 months I loathed them both with my silence and my absences. Two beautiful boys who loved me. I was a ghost to them. At night I’d hear them both crying and roll over to go back to sleep. I wonder now if Casey wanted to vomit when the paper released the article on my "miraculous come-back"? The photo of me smiling with a baby Cooper on my shoulders. Radiant mother. Beautiful boy. No one knew. Casey kept good secrets. I spent my days sleeping and working out. I was alone. Everyone avoided confronting my illness. Depression isn't contagious. People think it is, but it isn't. Casey slept nights in Cooper’s room on the futon his uncle had given us. They were in love. It made me sick.

Then it was over, like a rain that falls and rises up again leaving things wet for days. Cooper at 9 months. Outdoor Conference.

I realized that Casey’s devotion to me was outstanding. He was an amazing father. He was 23, what 23 year old guy is a good father? Not to mention the amount of space he gave me, and without judging me. I fell madly in love with my beautiful son. I overcame my demonself, one I hadn't known exsisted. I finished my degree. I got my school records, conference championships etcetera. I didn’t let me, or Cooper, or anyone stop me. I had won my revolution. There was no celebration to mark the victory, no indication the war was over. I must've still been numb because I kept on fighting as if in my sleep. This singular event made each decision that followed. Yet, I denied its significance until now.

In a sense my voice was murdered by my first pregnancy. I was a livelier version of the wrinkled mouths I so wanted to fight for. It is why I was a working mom and Casey was a stay at home dad. It is why I’ve never gone to grad school. It is why I am so consumed with reaching my potential as a runner. It narrowed my vision of my life, and the life I'd want for my family. I was meandering about myself looking for my voice. I was looking for it in my past selves, Selves that were incomplete to begin with. Stationary, with the illusion of motion. Firing at invisible targets.

But isn’t there more? Possibly not. Maybe there is less. Maybe it’s simpler than that. Maybe I just need to stop fighting a stale battle, and start recoginzing myself. Now, perhaps, I can feel free to pursue whatever the hell I want to pursue. I still hear that little girl. She still wants to give a voice to the voiceless. I don't know what I'm going to do with her. I'm pretty indulgent.

They are beautiful aren't they.

All of us who are fighting to overcome our circumstances are revolutionaries, fighting our own tiny revolutions. If we fail to move on once our rebellious act plays out we risk becoming a causality in our own uprising. Oh yeah, and Cooper is a revolutionary in his own right. He argued evolution with his kindergarten teacher at his Catholic School. “Birds came from Dinosaurs!” That's my boy!

Monday, November 12, 2007

sunday bloody sunday

It wasn't bloody literally, but there was carnage; Amy's lost timing chip, Matt's car keys, all of our old 10k PR's. The Westchester Veterun 10k was a combination of wreckless nerves, and cool temperatures culminating in the best 10k's of our lives. I didn't recieve a timing chip myself until minutes before the race started, but Amy (who registered early...smart girl) forgot to pick her's up. The chips weren't in the race day bag, as is the proceedure we runner's have grown accustomed to. She had to run back to the tent 10 minutes before the start to retrieve her golden ticket, only to have it fall off before the first mile marker!

The race was off with a gun shot. No on your marks. Just a startling gun shot that had me literally jumping into this race. The course was nearly flawless. Our route lined with half shed trees. Yellow leaves sheathed on our path. I couldn't help but feel like Dorothy on the yellow brick road. Honestly though, nothing was more wonderful than the sweet resin our performances left for me to taste even today. What an awesome confirmation for us and for Jenny. EVERY SINGLE Spangler camp kid that ran this race PRed in this race. The fact leaves no arguing... the woman KNOWS what she's doing!

The RD did let Amy's watch time stand, thank god she kept a watch on herself, after a few runners near her vouched for her placing. She ended up 3rd woman, and ran a 37:52! Thank goodness that "counts" officially! Rob was second man overal 32:47. Matt ran a 34:35 and won his age group (despite wearing old trainers because his flats were locked in his car). Brad ran a 37:22, and Kevin ran a 37:45. What a strong showing!

On a personal level I narrowed my self-doubt and sleep time to the narrow window of one mile. IT keeps getting smaller and smaller! 35:58 for me a PR. Third 10k, third PR. I was in it and that felt wonderful. A detailed race report to follow... once I churn it over a little..

**** Side note, I totally pigged out on 7 layer bars and brownies the night before! Good thing: I didn't crap myself (mostly luck). Bad thing: how much more efficient would I have been had I eatten something healthy?

Friday, May 4, 2007

unhinged






quotes,
"Mommy no grown ups are at the playground. No one would see you playing with us so you could act like a kid. You know you have a kid inside you don't you."
"mine eyes are melting"
"It's wake up time. Make me some lunch"
"Cooper are you hearing voices again?"
"What's your super power?"
"Don't go in there! The One tooth monkey will get you!"
"mommy you look like a boy when you are running"
"I'm shaking my bottom at you!"
"Look at me I'm yours old granny!" (pants up to his nipples)
"jellycreamers!"
"holy chicago" "holy mayonnaise"
Of course there's spontaneous accapella renditions of "409" and "Day Oh"
"brother love"
"kuckoburra code"
"Sorry boys, I can't hear you. The music in mommyland is awfully loud!"

Once upon a supermarket fit
"Little boy you look upset. Do you want me to help you find your mommy?" You are my mommy. "I'm sorry but I've never seen you before today." YOUS ARES MY MOMMY! "Nope I'm sorry. My little boy never yells at me." (tiny laughter) Mommy it's me bwennan Wiw wam gwasway" You look a lot like my son. Oh how I miss him. He was eatten by a one tooth monkey you know!" Siwwy no I wasn't I'm wight heow. (In the dramatic fashion of a silent movie damsel) "Oh it couldn't be! Willem is that really you! Oh how I've missed you so!" (Big hug)