It's coming down

Not to bring the rest of the world down with me, but I'm beginning to think i was giving myself too much credit concerning my emotional strength. The role reversal Casey and I have undergone is a lot in its self.... From stay at home dad to working dad, from working mom to stay at home mom. To pile on top of that the 500 mile commute he makes to Nashville every Tuesday night, and back again every Saturday night, arriving at his destination in the wee hours of the morning; we only talk about once a day and that conversation is always in the presence of others. We have always been best friends.

Now I find myself with no one to talk too. Hence the blog. I love my kids, but I'm sick of being unaffected. I'm pissed. I'm scared. I feel very alone in all of this because who is there to tell this to except this stupid blog. Really don't want to put it on him. He knows. I know he knows. He feels the weight too, pressing him down. It is suffocating but not like drowning, or a pillow on the face. It's slower, heavier. Giles Corey might understand. It's like rocks on your chest, or having your torso wrapped in cellophane. There really isn't a way to scream, and I don't feel like it anyway. I just want to settle in and wait for it to pass. My one sanctuary keeps getting invaded by injuries or illness or weather. The waiting seems endless, and narrow. The waiting is what stirs me to anger some days.