What Dyslexia Looks Like

Well, we have officially decided to homeschool Cooper.  Casey wants to participate in teaching Cooper Science.  In essence both of us will work to educate him.  Will, however, will remain at public school a while longer.  I have worked long and hard to get him an IEP and want to be sure he has a chance to function in the school setting with proper supports before I make any decisions about home schooling him, not to mention he is quite the EXTROVERT, and I don't think he'd thrive at home.  I would like to keep him in a classroom setting for as long as possible.   However, given his dyslexia and giftedness I am open to finding ways to allow him to co-learn at home.  I am after all the most qualified professional in his life to deal with his complex educational profile.  On some levels it just stinks that I am his mom.

Anyway,  today I really wanted to show my readers what dyslexia LOOKS like.  I talk about it, but unless you see it you have no idea.  My hope is that this little exposure increases awareness, after all this was my passion long before my son was diagnosed.  In fact he may still be un-diagnosed if this weren't my passion.
Below is a letter he wrote to us.  As you can see from his teacher's comment, this is an example of his BEST work.  You will find a translation (corrected spelling, but not punctuation- lack of awareness of punctuation is a part of dyslexia) at the end of each page of the letter. Oh, and he is nearly 9 and in 2nd grade (He should be in 3rd grade.  I demanded that he repeat 1st grade, long story.)  For those of you who don't know him, he is INCREDIBLY bright.  We thought he'd surely be in the gifted class, as he was putting together large puzzles with no difficulty as a toddler.  He is articulate, creative, and can execute math problems far above his grade level.  He frequently discusses theological and philosophical ideas that most adults cannot grasp, yet this is his best writing.

"Once there was a person that wanted to be mean and called me a fatty and when I got. Home I felt bad so I worked out a lot until I was as skinny as a ???? my friends helped me feel better but it still did
         Not work the next day I woke up and kind of showed my muscles and the person called me fat.  I just walked away and made a club called (no mean club) so when. The person came I let him in checked for any mean tools he had none so I kept an eye on that guy."

"and then he. Then tried to hurt kids so I telled him to get out but he said "no" so I throw him out of the club.  And to never come back so he did what I said.
                  and never came back.  I felt happy that I stopped the person from being mean to other people and meand he never ever was mean to anyone again.  And that was that and that person was never mean again and I also stopped that person from being a bully and he started a new life and was nice and not mean so he became my friend and I reminded him not to be."

Again, this is some of his best work.  As you see there are reversals, but the reversals are a symptom.  You can put cute little "b","d","p","q" visuals up all you want, but it won't help.  That, in and of itself, is akin to learning by osmosis for him and any other dyslexic for that matter. The bigger picture is his lack of awareness of the functioning of letters, phonemes (which are letter combos that make certain sounds like "th"), and sentence structure.  His brain is not only NOT hard wired for this information, it is wired counter to being able to understand these concepts.  This means manually inputting this information into his brain and reconstructing his synapses.  Yep, Call me brain reconstructor.  He doesn't understand the squiggle that looks like "q" makes the "qua" sound or that the little symbol that looks like "p" makes the "pee" sound.  Which is why he reverses them.  He doesn't get the idea that a "." means the end of a written idea.  The correlation between spoken and written word doesn't exist for him or other dyslexics.  This is a kid that at 8 could add and subtract 2 and 3 digit numbers, gets general concepts of things like the "string theory" and frequently asks deep theological questions.  He is incredibly bright.  Dyslexia occurs only in people with average, to (more often than not) above average intelligence.  Einstein and Edison come to mind.  Yep they were dyslexic.

One thing I fear about him in public school is that like the two men I just mentioned, my son will be cast off as being of below average intelligence because of his poor spelling and grammar.  Worse yet, if he doesn't receive proper interventions he will continue to learn to read far after the school has him reading to learn.  He will lose out on information needed to build his basis of knowledge in subjects like social studies and science, not because he CAN'T learn it, but because it isn't delivered to him in a fashion that is efficient for his brain.  He will fall behind and be placed in lower track classes.  I saw this far too often as a teacher; kids who fall grade levels behind, but are as intelligent, if not more intelligent than their peers.  This one little dirty word is why.  It isn't recognized by IDEA or NCLB as a disability in and of itself.  Instead it gets classified as "written expression" or "reading comprehension"  and schools treat the symptoms and not the problem.  I have worked with several kids one on one to "reconstruct" their synapses so that they might, when they were done with me go out on their own WITHOUT an IEP or a crutch and be able to function to their IQ.  Heck, I taught my son to read, I had to pull him out of school to do it.  I still work with him on spelling, but these brains need intensive sessions.  They need to be pushed to the point of hurting, literally, which is why it's a curse that his mother is his best resource.  I guess I hope that this gets out there for two reasons: 1.) so parents who think there is something just not quite right with "johnny" or "jane" can look at this and say, that's my kid.  Then they'd have a place to start looking.  2.) So myths that educators cling to can be debunked and students' true issues can be addressed.

Also, wasn't his letter BEAUTIFUL!  What a beautiful little lion of a soul he has.  If I didn't have so much practice reading this kadiwompus writing I may never have decoded the hidden message.  He is a writer, an author, with important things to say.  It is OUR responsibility to be sure all kids are given the tools to communicate their messages to the world!

P.S. WORLD, he is built like an ADONIS!  He could be the son of Hercules or Beowulf.  He is about as much of a "fatty" as a Hanes underwear model!

It takes more

It takes more than
a mother to
raise a child and it
takes more than
a mother to fail a child.
It takes a community,
a village,
an Army of acquaintances an
an Army of choosing
silence or action.
of Choosing apathy
or offering. An Army of "do you need"s and
"would you like"s A tribe of smiles, and open
arms help build steps and platforms
for children to climb above
the hurt, and the anger.  The debris of rejection.
So, if a child fails do not blame the mother.
The face of the abuser is the abused.
The hands that committed the crime were
first the hands of a victim
asking, "where was my Army"?
Children, like moths, flock to the light.  If only a few had
the courage shine for them.
If not, the darkness will grow inside of them until they are darkness looking
exterminate that which makes them remember
they were unworthy
of
being
RAISED
above the
debris.

Enough

I am terrified.  Terrified of what I think God expects of me.  Terrified that I will fail him, but more terrified that he is right about me.  The Lyrics of "The Summons" (I included vs 1,2,4) brought me to tears a few weeks ago.  Perhaps I was intuiting that he was about to give me the opportunity to fulfill those expectations.

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

I guess my terror comes from the fear that my intuition might be right.  If God is right about me, what I have NOT been giving of myself all this time that I didn't believe Him?  I think surrendering is where the tears come from.  I am so sorry, to all those I could've helped and didn't, and that I've not been giving enough of myself.

TO HONOR AND CHERISH... MY declaration to self.

I took the Myers-Briggs II yesterday.  Not because I'm curious about what "Type" I am, I'm an INFJ.  I know what that means (see Page and yes, I have spidey senses perhaps someday I'll be brave enough to devote a page to them).  Not because a type DEFINES you, it doesn't, but because it is a resource, a lens to view how I prefer to interact with the world,  Since I have a great idea of what my preferences are, I had the luxury of using this Indicator to see if I was honoring my preferences.  I needed to know where I wasn't being true to myself.  I feel disjointed, out of sorts.  I'm not reacting to situations in ways that sit well with me.  I'm acting out of character, and until yesterday I didn't know why.  I won't bore anyone with the details.  Instead, the following is my declaration.

I have a tender heart.  Intolerance, insensitivity, rudeness, ESPECIALLY when not directed at me HURTS me.  It makes me sad, for you.  That most definitely doesn't mean I don't like you.  I DO LIKE YOU (I like pretty much everyone, and find the best in people).  In fact I'd like to help you, because I know you do it because you are unhappy.  It just means I can't be around you often.  It means I'm here to help you when you are ready to find happiness.  I need to guard my heart a bit, from negativity so that I can keep it soft and tender for those that need tenderness.  Just because I don't let you in, doesn't mean you are locked out.  I need to be sure I feel safe with friends, and those in my life so that I can be free to use what is probably one of my greatest gifts without shame or fear whenever the need arises.  I haven't had the easiest life, so I am already a little too sparing with it as it is.  When I guard my tenderness, I become VERY hard and cold (with people close to me I can seem this way anyway because I have high expectations for them... though never as high as the expectations I have for myself).  I'm not hard or cold, and It hurts me when I treat others this way.

Next, I am NOT logical.  Sure I have great logical thinking skills, but I make decisions FIRST, based on my intuituion, and then search for logic to support them so that I can defend my choices to others. Some times i don't even know why make the choices i make, i just know it is the RIGHT choice.  that can be very frustrating for a person with great skills in logic!  In all honesty, I've made pretty much EVERY decision in my life based on feelings and personal values, and I LOVE MY LIFE!  When I try too hard to be logical I end up being grouchy, because in many situations the logical choice goes against my intuition, and what I FEEL I should do.  Like adoption for instance, or my decision to marry my husband, or to keep my baby, to join the Army... Pretty much none of my favorite choices have been the logical choice.  I just KNOW what is right for me.  I much prefer to interact with people, make decisions etc. in ways that are personal and in line with what I believe, not based on what makes logical sense.  When I'm not true to this preference I only end up feeling sorry for myself for not following my heart.  I project this self pity, by lashing out in anger, at whoever I think is at fault (usually my husband because some how everything is his fault ;) LOL).  When I follow my brain instead of my heart I get SUPER out of wack, because while I'm good at logical thinking, I pretty much suck at logical functioning... This is probably the area of second most concern for me.

Finally, I NEED structure, routine, efficiency, concrete expectations and plans.  I actually crave it.  I am NOT a  go with the flow type.  I sure would like to be.  Everyone likes them better.  ;)  However, probably due to some childhood things, I have never learned to do this for myself.  I suck at deadlines, I don't know how to implement structure and routine for myself.  It's VERY hard for me.  So if I seem to be totally unavailable for weeks or months its probably because I am avoiding distractions while I attempt to give myself something I desperately need... STRUCTURE.  This Army Wife life only makes it that much harder (this is where that logical thinking is great.  Otherwise the Army's lack of efficiency might make me even crazier than the lack of schedule already does!).  However, I'm a terrific planner.  Give me a PCS move or a hurricane and I will really shine!  So this is my declaration of truth to myself.  These are things I need to honor within myself.  If don't, I worry I'll become a cold, hard, grouchy, moody, lazy, unorganized and distant person who never achieves her dreams or uses her God given gifts.

My Promise

An American Journalist once asked Mohandas Ghandi a question . The American jouranlist asked Ghandi, "What is your opinion of American civilization?" Ghandi smiled and replied to the American journalist, "I think it would be an excellent idea". Ghandi understood the term "Civilization" in all it's true depth, in a way most American's don't.  Root word Civil: of or pertaining to the people or their benefit.  The one word repeated in the following definitons of civilization is "INTELLECTUAL".civ·i·li·za·tion  (sv-l-zshn) n. 1. An advanced state of intellectual, cultural, and material development in human society, marked by progress in the arts and sciences, the extensive use of record-keeping, including writing, and the appearance of complex political and social institutions. 2. The type of culture and society developed by a particular nation or region or in a particular epoch: Mayan civilization; the civilization of ancient Rome. 3. The act or process of civilizing or reaching a civilized state. 4. Cultural or intellectual refinement; good taste.

I am not content to live between paychecks.  I have mentioned this before, I have no pre-occupation with money or "stuff".  It just isn't on my radar.  SERIOUSLY.  People, living in my head, living between ideas, or worlds, between the me that I am and the me that I'd like to become that is what appeals to me.  Until we joined the Army, I surrounded myself with people that were similar in mind, in that they lived deliberately.  They knew why they did what they did, and they worked to better themselves in their cause.  They are still my friends, though over great distance.  I had a difficult time in school, not living in a world that was "guess jeans" or what ever fad was cool.  To me, even at 11 or 12, that just seemed silly.  The fad would change, but how would I?  This notion I had spared no clique.  The goths and Emos, were just as generic and unoriginal as the jocks and preps.  They were all the same.  All defined by materials.  Not working to find out who they were, but purchasing an identity manufactured by American Eagle, or Hot topic.Seemed like a meaningless pursuit when considering that "materially" we are but a speck in the universe.  By high school I saw most of my classmates as Lemmings chasing fads over the edges of cliffs.  I tried to fit into a prefab box, with no success.  I'm just me I guess, and that just validated what I had already felt, that most people see the "world" as being there to serve them.  I internalized this in a very hostile way, and projected this opinion with hostility as well.  In reality it was just hard for me to know that they were missing out on the inner journey.  They weren't awake, weren't living.  They were existing.  I have journals full of my concern for them.  It was just easier to react with anger than concern.  When I left my home town, I made sure to only "invest" in people that were awakened to LIVING.  In this way I could ignore the wider world, and pretend there was no problem, and protect myself.  When in actuality I just removed myself from the one place where, if I were willing to listen, I might, in return be heard. I might, through love an compassion, effect change.

I see this when most people see...

In the Army I was thrown into the Masses.  No longer able to protect myself from this old feeling of concern.  My ears were no longer deaf. This old "lemming" thing came back to haunt me.  I had been avoiding it, ignoring it.  Animals live between meals.  When they aren't eating, they are hunting for food.  They don't think about how they can grow to become a better hunter, or mother, or father, or friend.  They certainly don't think about the affect of their Consumption, as it is a necessity for them to consume.  How is a human living between purchases any different than an animal?  This is what I wonder.  I consider status to be an illusion we purchase when we buy a car, or a plasma screen tv, or an Ipad, or an Iphone, or whatever is the latest buzz in Advertising.  It's like buying certificate of validation written in invisible ink.  Because next year it will be outdated and we'll have to buy something newer and shinier to get a new certificate.  I of course have a car, I didn't buy it make a statement, I bought it to get me from point a to point b.  I don't care that it has scratched paint, miss matched rims, and looks like a tiny toaster.  I have a small 19 inch TV that I bought in 2004.  I don't have an Ipad, or an Iphone, as those are totally unnecessary.  I buy what I NEED.  I honestly have no idea what the latest technology is.  I am clueless about the latest fashion trends.  Things, to me, are utilitarian.  Yes, my husband and I STILL get teased because of our view of material possessions.  Something I am coming to accept is that not everyone sees the world through my lens, and that I need to grow so I can accept those who lavishly consume and withhold judgement, because I don't understand that world.  I have been hostile towards those that live within this materially preoccupied world so I can validate my own, opposing vision.  Just because I don't understand their lifestyle, or outlook doesn't mean they aren't worthy of my tolerance.  So hard for me, because I am radically opposed consumerism to the point that newly constructed track home neighborhoods make me physically ill.  I have to accept, and listen.

This... "McMansions"

I hope now to give my beautiful flowers, of laughter, encouragement, acceptance, and love to EVERYONE not simply those that share my vision of the world.  I hope also, that in giving my flowers, I will plant seeds that this life is more than existing in an animal like state, more than who did what to who, more than what you have.  It's more than being a robot consumer that is slave to advertising.  This is YOUR life.  This life is what you DO, what you learn, and who you shower love upon.  It's about being people centered, not things centered.  It's about thinking about what you do, and how it effects other people, and the planet.  It is about whether or not you evolve so that you too have beautiful flowers of laughter, encouragement, love, and acceptance to give to others.  It starts with me.  My example of tolerance, love, and acceptance is the voice of my concern.  My hostility would only continue to foster an "us" and "them" attitude.  This isn't high school anymore.  I must be growth I want to see, because a civilization built up on things, and not upon the intellect of it's people is hardly a civilization.  MY PROMISE to those I once called "lemmings", I will listen; my love WILL be enough.  I will make it so...

civ·i·lized  (sv-lzd)

adj.

1. Having a highly developed society and culture.

2. Showing evidence of moral and intellectual advancement; humane, ethical, and reasonable

How does your garden grow?

I promised a post on friendship, using Aristotle's philosophy as my guide.  Friendship for me has been a process of learning my own boundaries.  I am a house, with many rooms, and a large yard.  The house is reserved for those that i allow into the deepest parts of my heart.  To them I am transparent, they can come and go because I trust them to honor me.  My yard started out unfenced, allowing anyone in.  Unfortunately my garden got trampled by visitors that didn't know how to respect me, and the flowers in my heart were broken and withered so that I didn't have anything beautiful to give to those that DID respect me.  I had nothing to bring inside.  (This blog totally explains the internal struggle I face, In learning about my personality preferences I began to learn why I did the things I did.) So I began to wonder, what IS friendship?  How can I be kind to others if I don't let them in?  How can I give something beautiful to someone that needs it, and yet keep them out of my garden?  In my quest I found many things but the most helpful was this, Aristotle's view on friendship.  He basically states that there are 3 types of friendships, friendships of: Pleasure, Utility, and Virtue.

Friendships of Pleasure: Friends with whom you partake in vices, and/or fun activities.  These friendships are shallow, though may seem deeper than they are because you have "fun times" together.

Friendships of Utility: Friends you use to benefit, and also they benefit from you.  These friendships are based on need, and are obviously shallow.  Once one of you ceases benefiting from the other the friendship is over.

Friendships of Virtue: These are deep lasting friendships.  These are friends whom share your moral compass, your vision of the world, and your values.  These are friends that support you and what you stand for.

Just looking at friendship in these categories opened my eyes.  I realized that I wanted to keep friends, other than friends of virtue to a minimum while I constructed my personal definition of "Virtue".  Friends of Virtue would respect my garden.  So I decided to put a fence around my garden... not a privacy fence, a picket fence.  I would share my flowers with friends of Utility and friends of Pleasure, I would reach over the fence to them... but only those that respected the garden would be invited in.  I had to look back at how these categories shifted from college onward to understand how and where to build this fence, how to use the fence etc.

symbols don't represent a literal number of friends, but rather the idea of the percentage of time I spent with each category of friends.

18-22 (At ISU)
Pleasure friends (for going to parties mostly)**********************************************
Friends of Utility (study/running partners)     ***********************************
Friends of Virtue                                         *********

22-28 (Had 2 kids started working)
Friends of Pleasure (partys/BBQs/running Partners) ##########################
Friends of Utility (babysitting/running partners)        ##################
Friends of Virtue (other parents)                              ######

28-32 (transition from Civilian to Army)
Friends of Pleasure (Army peeps/BBQs/Running Partners)#########################
Friends of Utility (babysitting/Running Partners)                 ######################
Friends of Virtue (like minded parents)                               #######

33-34 (after my search)
Friends of Pleasure (Running partners/BBQs)                           ***********
Friends of Utility (babysitting/house/car help)                            ***
Friends of Virtue (as defined, even if it's only family)                 ******************************

You see, it now seems like a waste of energy and resources to socialize with those that aren't friends of virtue.  I could put those resources to better use helping others, and working to LIVE my values.  I believe that as I find more friends of Virtue, I will find that my friends of Utility and Pleasure will also be my friends of Virtue, and my "lines" will be close to even.  At that time I will have a garden full of flowers to pass out to those that are in great need of something beautiful.  Until then I've put up a wall that has, "UNDER-CONSTRUCTION OPENING SOON" spray painted on it while I replenish and reconstruct my garden.