Monday, December 8, 2008
I think I might be boring. I was exciting, once. I think. Ove the last two years I have allowed the voices of my babies to crowd out the screaming girl inside of me. I think she’s lost her voice, and a little pissy about it. I have been roaming aimlessly, little red running hood looking for my head. It’s motherhood, not the kids. She’s a bitch, making me put them first, making me leave the person in me behind. I’ve tried so hard. I made it so long. And now I am nothing, but a skin suit that makes dinner, helps with homework, and carries out judgments of time-out. Some days their tiny sweet voices scrape against the inside of my skull like a spoon.
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I dunno you're a lot more than that to me. A great big sister, a best friend someone I can tell anything to and I can be completely myself around and well shit your a lot of fun.
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ReplyDeleteI remember feeling that way myself. But it is just a feeling. The pay off for your sacrifice.... well it's very obvious and totally awesome to this looker on. Your head is never far from that little red running hood. Isn't it great when the two find each other? However seldom that mat seem:)
ReplyDeleteLove you..........
Fatherhood was my lifepurpose. My reason for being here. Raising you, your sister and brother was the best 30 years of my life. You never made me leave the person in me behind. The three of you brought out the best in me. I wish you were still 4 years old. Some day you too will grow old and sentimental :). You are the best of mom's and the boys are lucky to have you. Cherish these times, they pass far to quickly.
ReplyDeleteFew people I know are as genuine and caring as you, Annie. These times are temporary. A friend of mine called them "the lost years"... you lose all the "me" time, you have no clue of current fads, who's putting out all the hip tunes... You get them back in the long run. At least that's what I'm told. The least we can do is take it day by day, mile by mile. Get to the end of a day with your sanity intact, and it's a success. Get out for a few miles in the dark or snow and it's a good run. Keep on "keepin' on." Your married, parental, running friends in this with you together.
ReplyDeleteA skin suit? Is that Valentino, Chanel or Zac Posen..or maybe Oscar de la Renta? ...my better half wants to know...and what a use for a civilized eating utensil! An acid trip nursery rhyme or a truthful glimpse into the nonfiction parental core exposed? If such things are boring, may all the deadbeat vegetables line up. You have a penchant for linguistic libido; that ability to take raw emotion, the hidden joy and desperation of the human condition, and effectively reflect it back 180 degrees to all us pasty white zombies lathered in FDA approved bullshit…or is this blog just for me?
ReplyDeleteI've been a mom for 23 years and I started feeling those same things at different stages of my kids milestones. When they become independant, even as a 2 year old, it was a reminder they wouldn't always need me. I wondered what I'd do or BE. Then there are the moments I hear "MOM" 50 million times and block my ears....lol. All are pretty normal reactions.
ReplyDeleteRunning is a gift we give ourselves. No kids, phones, demands or questions. We get to be in a world of our own for a while. Just like Little Red Riding Hood. She walked through the woods alone, we run down the street alone. Only she didn't have a Garmin and she got lost....LOL
We always find our way back home, feeling better.