announcement

Alrighty... so that my intensity seems well placed I must first tell you some goals that I've kept hidden away.... One, to qualify for the Olympic trials in the marathon (A standard), two to run a sub 1:15 half-marathon this year. Last year I ran a 1:18 half with very very minimal speed workouts and 45 miles a week training peak. So these goals seemed realistic... SEEMED... (I am venting again...)

Over the last few months these goals went from being great motivators to a complete driving force from my internal motor. I am a woman possessed. Just before Detroit I found out that KC was getting a job and I would be able to quit teaching and up my mileage to a reasonable 80-100 per week. I was ready to break 2:45 at Detroit, a modest time for myself I thought, then Bronchitis set in. Being asthmatic it pretty much screwed me. DNF was next to my name at the end instead of 2:43 something or other. I was a little upset but not really, after all shit happens and I was about to begin real training.

December I quit my job, Bronchitis again this time for three weeks. I finally get over it, resume modest training and wham... a mysterious calf thingy in February, as well as no hubby to babysit and $ for daycare. Here I am March 2nd Calf healing and then today...

In February I decided I couldn't just sit idly around losing fitness. Although I had but 300$ to my name I drove 40 miles to the Y and joined ($124). They had a pool, ellipticals, free babysitting. I was good to go. For the last three weeks I have driven the 40 miles (one way) to work out for 1 to 2 hours 5 days a week (tae bo tape on weekend) through snow storms and ice storms (it is northern Indiana after all). I've gone no matter what, completely undaunted by any obstacle. Then today happened.

I started working part-time for my mom to pay for my gas. Today I left with Willem and drove the 40 minutes. The Roads were treacherous. I passed three slide-offs and one nasty accident. (like I said a woman possessed) When we arrived the daycare doors were locked. I looked at my watch, I should've had an hour at least. I go to the front desk and wait for a while for someone to acknowledge me and ask my question. I was wrong. It closed an hour before I thought it did. I argued, "no I was misinformed by you, so what are you going to do about it. I paid for this service under the pretense that there was daycare available until 1pm." All i got was a "too bad". "but I drove 40 miles", "sucks to be you" I finally left, I was making no progress. I was devastated.

Over the last three months I have been thrown countless road blocks. I've hurdled every single one. I am soooooo intensely devoted to my goal that I will not allow anything to stop me, and here was this woman. Unhelpful, uncommitted to her clients, stopping me and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. It was too much for me. I wanted to slug her for being complacent and smug. I wanted to scream at her that I was actually trying to accomplish something other than to maintain a desirable physique. My body was a tool and needed sharpened and she was telling me "no", and all I could do was take Willem back to my car. Drive the 40 miles home past the three slide off's, and nasty accident (which had now multiplied into 7 slide offs and two nasty accidents) and do tae bo.

I cried all the way home. Heavy chest heaving cries. I wasn't sad, or defeated. I was overcome with intense, angry, frustration. Which was okay with Willem, he understood. Three year olds go through this all the time. I still refuse to allow her to keep me from getting some sort of a work out in, but it amazes me how many people allow themselves to be crippled, and cripple others because of their own bitterness and complacency. I also didn't know exactly how deeply devoted I was to my goals until today. I guess I thought everyone would drive 80 miles a day to get in a work out.