Man it's been forever since I've had a stolen moment to post. My journey has finally led me to an open road. Not so much hacking down trees with my machete! I finally ran an honest PR. My first Since Westchester, eight months ago. I haven't had any serious injuries, and have thwarted all suspicious injury threats. I've kept my threat level at yellow!
The 25k Championships were a neat experience, but this years 4 on the 4th is something I will probably never forget. I went into it expecting to win without a challenge, to break the course record, and win 200$. Less than a mile in some red head blazes by me and think to myself, "Who the hell is that? She'd better be in magazines and shit!" For the remainder of the race, I went over all the work I've put in over the last year, all the competitions I'd run. The people I've beaten. The people that have beaten me. I couldn't think of anyone who had ever, ever passed me like that, ever. She was so confident and smooth. I couldn't help but admire this mystery woman.
It was Katy McGregor. She beat me by over a minute. I was thankful though. She was in magazines and shit. It had confirmed that myself doubt was off base, and my aspirations were well grounded. I am on the right track.
The 40 mile drive one way to cross train in the winter of 06/07, pushing a +40lb willem 9 or more miles, Casey working jobs he hates getting up at 5:00 and riding the train an hour one way, miles on the treadmills at the gym (for the babysitting), screaming at the boys during intervals, not teaching (boohoo), watching the neighbor's kid so she'll take the boys on Thursday's so I can do a key workout with the group, weekends away to run races (missed mother's day this year). All of the little sacrifices all of us have made they are all beginning to pay off.
Now is the flat road. The homestead you set up for yourself with all your hard work. I have been told, "you are a racer." "If it were between you and another runner near the finish, I'd put money on you every time" "you race like you are possessed". Of course. I'm not just running for me, to validify my own sacrifices, I'm running to prove to my husband, and two sons, that their sacrifices are worth it too. I have more to lose, and nothing to lose all at the same time. It's the best place to be. As one reported asked me, "You are a mother, with two children, don't you consider yourself an anomaly?" At the time I couldn't respond, it seemed like a stupid question. It is what it is. Now, I think I'd say it makes me a threat. I have more to run for, and less to lose. On one hand, losing means less money, no emotional certificate of sacrificial worthiness. On the other hand, I know my guys will love me no matter where I finish. My life is bigger than just running, just one race. It's not all about me, so who really cares. This is a journey for the Gasways, and a lesson in hard work.
The boys see their dad board the train in the wee hours of the morning. They watch us save money. Soon they will see the pay off when we buy a house. It's the same lesson with my running, only they ride the train too.
Annie's Words always has a way of putting it all in perspective. Well said. You're forcing me to put my running in perspective, too. Darn you.
ReplyDeleteKeep the posts coming, Annie! This is great :)
ReplyDeleteBridget