Enough

I am terrified.  Terrified of what I think God expects of me.  Terrified that I will fail him, but more terrified that he is right about me.  The Lyrics of "The Summons" (I included vs 1,2,4) brought me to tears a few weeks ago.  Perhaps I was intuiting that he was about to give me the opportunity to fulfill those expectations.

Will you come and follow me if I but call your name?
Will you go where you don't know and never be the same?
Will you let my love be shown? Will you let my name be known,
will you let my life be grown in you and you in me?

Will you leave yourself behind if I but call your name?
Will you care for cruel and kind and never be the same?
Will you risk the hostile stare should your life attract or scare?
Will you let me answer prayer in you and you in me?

Will you love the "you" you hide if I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and never be the same?
Will you use the faith you've found to reshape the world around,
through my sight and touch and sound in you and you in me?

I guess my terror comes from the fear that my intuition might be right.  If God is right about me, what I have NOT been giving of myself all this time that I didn't believe Him?  I think surrendering is where the tears come from.  I am so sorry, to all those I could've helped and didn't, and that I've not been giving enough of myself.